Lost & Found
Finding equilibrium during the fall equinox
Fall to pieces
Today is the Fall Equinox, the seasonal halfway point between lightness and dark. Halfway between being lost in transition and found on the other side of it. If we let it, the Fall Equinox can be a seasonal lacuna, a breath of balance between the hight of summer and the depth of winter.
Astrologically we are also transitioning. It is opening day of Libra season, which is ruled by the Justice card in tarot. Libra and Justice—intertwined by themes of harmony, equity, and truth—are connected by the ultimate symbol of balance: the scales.
But where balance is often advertised as brining peacefulness, tranquility, and a general sense that all is right with the world, we know that transition is a big ol’ mess of a time. In the Northern Hemisphere, leaves are dropping! There’s back-to-school shopping! Jacket collars are popping! It’s change without stopping!
Funny how the thing so many of us crave, balance, can be such a fission-inducing state.
This cycle of transition and rebalancing repeats throughout our lives in ways big and small—move ins, move outs, births, deaths, new careers, old jobs, make ups and break ups—and yet! Every time our sweet little hearts see change on the horizon, they seem to forget how to move through it. As Patsy Cline would say, we fall to pieces.
So, we find ourselves here. But where is “here” when it sits at the midpoint between the scales of our seasons? Between our old place in the world and the new?
We can call on Libra-ruled Justice to help us find the path forward. Justice cuts away what can be left in yesterday’s season so we can more clearly see the truth, balance, and harmony waiting for us in the next.
This fall, give yourself permission fall to pieces. What will you find amid the leaves of what was? What will you carry forward to nurture who you’ll become?
Lost & Found
Why does change, even positive change, so often conjure feelings of fear and loss? It’s because us humans like to keep it locked down. To always be in a state of feeling found. As the podcaster Tim Ferriss said, “People would rather be unhappy than uncertain,” and change always brings uncertainty. In our deepest moments of fear, that uncertainty can wrap around us like a dark forest, leaving us feeling lost without a map for how to proceed.
These themes are teased out in Kathryn Schulz’s memoir, “Lost & Found,” a story about the heartbreaking loss of her beloved father amidst the joyous process of finding her wife.
Shulz examines the micro and macro ways losing and finding can influence the course of our days and the arc of our lives.
In loss, Shulz writes, we must let go of “a cherished vision of the future.” In the Northern Hemisphere, we all know what it feels like to let go of our seasonal visions as we transition to fall. It’s the summer plans that never materialized. That trip to the beach we never got to take. #puredevistation.
But, Shulz explains, our connection to loss has evolved over time.
“The verb ‘to lose’ has its taproot sunk in sorrow; it is related to the ‘lorn’ in ‘forlorn.’ It comes from an Old English word meaning to perish, which comes from an even older word meaning to separate or cut apart. The modern sense of misplacing an object only appeared later.”
Shulz goes on to explain that in the 13th century we began to lose objects, the 14th century to lose games. The 16th century to lose our minds, and finally, in the 17th century, our tender hearts. The magnitude and manifestation of loss is such a deeply human experience that its meaning unfurled as time marched on.
But as Justice and Libra teach us, life must balance itself. We never truly stay lost forever. Shulz writes:
“…finding always takes one of two forms. The first is recovery: we can find something we previously lost. The second is discovery: we can find something we’ve never seen before. Recovery essentially reverses the impact of loss. It is a return to the status quo, a restoration of order to our world. Discovery, by contrast, changes our world. Instead of giving something back to us, it gives us something new.”
Shulz’s simultaneous process of losing her father and finding her wife was its own confusing form of balance. The scales, as they say, were not tipped in her favor, but they did hang in equipoise. It is in that balance, in the “and” connecting the darkness of loss to the lightness of found that Shulz discovers a strange kind of beauty—that these two states could coexist feels impossible, and yet one is animated by the other.
“Of every kind of ‘and’ that we experience, I find this one the most acute—the awareness that our love, in all its many forms, is bound inseparably to our grief.”
Well what have we found have here?
Inside every loss is a little gem of discovery. Think of the losses you’ve undergone this year—relationships, self-limiting beliefs, your favorite pair of sunglasses. In their wake, what have you learned about yourself and the world?
Lost & found spread
Grab a pen and paper.
On the left hand side of the page make a column titled “loss.”
On the right hand side of the page make a column titled “found.”
List three things you’ve lost this year, then three things you wouldn’t have been able to find without the loss that came before them.
Pull a card for each to better understand the “and” that connects these two states of being.
Six of swords
The Six of Swords is no stranger to getting lost in order to find yourself.
Here is a snippet from my Instagram post.
“The Six of Swords is an invitation to push off the docks of the unknown and find safe passage from what is to what will be. Like escaping on a boat under the cover of night, this card asks us to step away from the sometimes limiting beliefs of who we are and take a bet on who we have the capacity to become.”
Head to my Instagram @altarutarot to read the rest.
An equinox work out (no, not the one you’re thinking)
One thing I know helps me move through transition is ritual. If you’re New York-based and looking for something to call in the new season, my friend Meredith Katibah is hosting a Grounded Gathering for the equinox tonight from 4:30-6pm. Come for some park yoga, seasonal dream casting, and light snacks.
Here’s to a fall full of finding.
XO
ALTARU TAROT
you always weave in the most beautiful visual art! thank you!!